Hello there. Yes it’s me. Remember? The little stroppy one. Yes, that’s it. Well, you would be excused for forgetting, it REALLY has been AGES this time hasn’t it? Sorry but I’ve been really, really busy. There have been gigs, little days out with my daughter, ( it’s the school holidays you know ), and even some bloody work! Yes, work. I’ve been into a couple of of Manchester Ad agencies being a Manchester Copywriter, you know, writing stuff and even naming stuff. Oh yes. I’m a brand consultant now. I may even become a ‘Brand Evangelist’. as some of the trendy people call themselves. I have of course been doing all that for around twenty years but now, in the noughties, we have dead good names for it all.
Anyway, back to blogging. Guess what I’m going to do today? You’ll never get it. Oh, alright, everybody already did. Yes! I’m going to have a go at some TV ads. I’m nothing if not consistent, me. First of all, lets do the new Match.com ad shall we? I know I’ve done it before. If you didn’t know, have a look here. It’s where I was unnecessarily cruel about the old one.
The new one though, is even worse. Here, have a look.
What is it with Match. com and their world of irredeemable tweeness? Who’s thinking up this crap? And moreover has anyone involved ever visited a railway station at any point in their lives? I use the train often and I happen to know that if I were to indulge in that kind of ukelele based activity on any station in this country I would, 1. be beaten to a bloody pulp before I’d got half way through my first verse and, 2. I would be carrying that sodding ukelele internally for the rest of my journey.
Had it been left to me, I would, of course, have made that ad slightly differently. I’ve given it some thought and can guarantee that my idea for the bit that establishes that the girl is not, in fact, a natural blond is a doozy. I reckon it’d really increase sign-ups to Match.com too.
Next, I really wanted to do that bloody Impulse ‘Very Pink’ tv spot but I can’t find it anywhere on the net. You know the one though. Ms. Coquette Twee and Mr. Twinkly Twee are in a library on opposite sides of some shelves and perform a teeth-grindingly twee flirting routine involving apposite book titles. Christ, that one grates doesn’t it? I have thought of a few titles to replace them with though as Ms.Twee plays increasingly hard to get, having established that Mr.Twee is a bit of a dick for hanging round libraries trying to pick up women and Mr. Twee realises he’d be better off in a nightclub with his Rohypnol. I suggest you do the same whenever you watch the ad, it’s fun. It is, however a shame that it’s not a record shop. I’ve an absolutely storming title by the legendary beat combo Wayne County And The Electric Chairs that would round off the ad a treat.
I imagine that not many of you are all that familiar with the works of Wayne ( later, Jayne ) County and The Electric Chairs but by all means Google them. The song in question begins, ‘If you don’t wanna…’, and in the unrequited love stakes, it’s a work of genius.
So I suppose that’s about it for now then. I was going to include the latest ad in Tampax’s ‘Mother Nature‘ series but they’ve gone and re-edited it haven’t they? I was tweeting about the ad incredulously when I first saw it a few weeks ago, just to establish that my eyes and ears weren’t deceiving me, and it turned out it was all true. When disco girl told Mother Nature that she could dance all night if she wanted to as she had ‘Pearl’, Mother Nature did indeed reply, ‘Where?’
All together now…