Hello there. Well this is a turn-up for the books, isn’t it? A blast from the past. A proper funny old turn of events and no mistake, guv’nor. It’s a new blog post. I know, I know. It’s been aaaaaaaaages. hasn’t it? Well what can I say? What can I do? How on earth can I make this right?
Nothing. Nothing at all can make it right, can it? All I can possibly do is try to explain this unforgivable absence and build some bridges between us. It’s ok. We can burn them later.
Right then. First of all I’ve been very, very busy. Oooh so, so, busy. Busy, busy, busy. There’s been lots of work to do. Got some new clients. Went on holiday for a bit. Took my daughter shopping. Had toast. You know how it is. The time just runs away, doesn’t it?
So, what have I missed while I’ve been away? Well apparently, in the world of quality advertising, I’ve missed nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a bratwurst. A big fat SOD ALL. Bloody awful isn’t it? I thought, to mark the momentous occasion of my finally writing a new post, I’d come back BIG. I’d find a great and/or terrible ad on the telly box and write a blistering critique of its greatness/terribleness.
But there’s nothing, is there? Well, there are loads and loads of telly ads, obviously. But they all seem to blend together into one, all-encompassing blandness. You know, like a great big flavourless blancmange of nothingness oozing relentlessly across the tv screen.
There may be the occasional dead fly masquerading as a raisin that sticks between the teeth now and again but there’s nothing to really bite into, is there? Nothing completely fantastic, nothing spectacularly terrible, nothing to write home about, nothing in fact to write a blog about. Which really has been part of the problem for me.
You see, if you read this blog, and as you’re here now I have no reason to believe you don’t, you’ll know that a recurring theme is my having a toothless rant at ads that offend me and which, by extension, really should offend you too. However, at the moment, I really can’t find any tv ads that stir me enough from my overwhelming adweariness, (it’s a word, ok? It’s a made-up word, granted but a word nonetheless), to even shout at the screen. Actually that’s not strictly true. I do shout at one tv ad on a regular basis. It’s that dreadful, dreadful Barclays ad for their new, personalised bank cards. You know the one. The one where we all forget about our crippling debts, mortgage arrears, impending home repossession and the fact that the despicable, hateful, thieving, feckless, money-grabbing bastards have been shafting us remorselessly for years, by getting a bank card with a little moustache on it. Oh bollocks. THIS ONE.
Yes. That’s the rascal. Now come on. We all shout at that one don’t we? You know, the bit where the happy, smiley voiceover goes, ‘Making it a bit less banky and a bit more…’
And it is, isn’t it? Very, very wanky indeed.