Browsing Month April, 2010

She’s a woman.

April 29th, 2010 // 2:00 pm @ // One Comment

Hello there. I’ve just been watching that new John Lewis tv ad again and you know, I’m still not entirely convinced.!v=jYOsWWKHZVw

I mean, it’s beautifully done and everything. Terrific casting, great photography, ( is it still called photography when it’s a film? I’m pretty sure it is but I’m open to advice and mockery of course ),  state of the art effects,  fabulous attention to detail, the full package really. I’m just not sure about that Billy Joel song though.  She “kills with her smile” and “wounds with her eyes” does she? Charming.  She’ll  also, apparently, “ruin your faith with her casual lies”, “steal like a thief” and be “suddenly cruel”. Jesus, I bet she’d punch your mum right in face too, she sounds a proper bitch.

Of course all these “casual lies” add a whole new dimension to the ad. Sure, there’s a lovely wedding and all that but can the hapless groom really be sure that the child that subsequently comes into the world is really his? She’s been casually lying all over the place for god’s sake! No amount of John Lewis soft furnishings can paper over the cracks of that kind of betrayal.

I’d be having a look in that fridge too, if I was him.

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gas bored.

April 23rd, 2010 // 12:53 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there. This morning I was on the ‘phone to the Gas Board, ( I know, I know, my life is one mad round of glamour and excitement ), and while I was on hold, listening to that Blur track British Gas use on everything now,  a recorded voice informed me that a skilled British Gas technician repairs a boiler every 4 seconds. Now, I don’t know about you but if that was my boiler I’d just give up and buy a new one.

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April 21st, 2010 // 1:54 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there. Today I got my first look at the winners of this year’s Chip Shop awards. For any of you who aren’t familiar with these awards, they’re meant to be presented for “creativity without limits”. Honest. It says so on the logo and everything. The idea is that us “creatives” fool around, have a bit of a laugh and create some work that would probably never see the light of day for all the reasons we generally use as excuses for work not seeing the light of day. “The client isn’t brave enough”, “It’s too clever/daring/risqué/provocative/cutting edge to get through”, etc., etc.

Some years you get to see some really funny/interesting/ daft stuff and we can all congratulate ourselves on what a clever bunch we truly are. This year however, it all seems to have gone a bit chips up. I’ve looked through all of the winners and haven’t cracked a smile, let alone dropped my chips in amazement. Saatchi’s have presented a “cowboys and indians” gag that first failed to register on my personal laughometer about 25 years ago for god’s sake. The rest seem to be a collection of ideas that could’ve been pulled out of any student’s bag at any time in the 25 years since. Not that there’s anything wrong with students’ gags. I fell about laughing at several of them when I was a student.

The point is though that this stuff is meant to represent the ad industry at it’s best, its creatives unfettered by commercial constraints and considerations.

And if that really is the case, it looks like we’ve all had our chips.

Anyway, don’t take my word for it, click here and take a look for yourself. If you think I’m mistaken, please comment.

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gimme shelter.

April 18th, 2010 // 1:01 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there.  This weekend my travel plans have been thrown into disarray by clouds of ash. Someone set fire to the bus shelter again.

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24 hour party pooper ( party 2 )

April 16th, 2010 // 1:40 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there. Sorry it’s all been a bit quiet on the blog front for the past week. I do have an excuse though. I’ve been in London for a few days and thus too busy to pay proper attention to thatandywhiteblog. Never mind eh? I’m back now and that’s all that matters really isn’t it?

While I was away though I did go to a truly terrible “dinner party“. Yes, they have them down South you know. Wine, ( in bottles, not boxes ), canapes, proper cutlery, everything. It’s all really grown-up and sophisticated and by a dreadful oversight on someone’s part I got invited.  Anyway, I won’t go on about how dull it was but while I was toying with a tiny pastry thing I got to thinking about other parties that I’d really hate to be at. I did that awful Smirnoff  “party in the forest” one a few posts back so let’s assume that’s  a given.

Number 1 on the list then has to be Jim Haynes’ “no-one leaves after eight” knees up.

I mean, what’s lacking in poor old Jim’s life that he has to open his house to this procession of repellent half-wits? How much must he spend on After Eights every month? And how difficult is it really to tip a wafer-thin mint from your nose to your mouth? Come on Jim, get a grip man. You’re worth more that that.

Second place goes to a Nintendo Wii dance party.

That kind of speaks for itself doesn’t it really?

In at number three with a bullet ( please ) is Grandma’s party.

Now, I do remember a couple of family parties my Grandma attended. But never was Paul Nicholas on the guest list. No sir. And what would a relatively young man dressed in half a judo suit and a bowler hat want with my Grandma anyway? It doesn’t bear thinking about.

So that’s it really.  If you ever find yourself at a dinner party dwelling on what a terrible time you’re having, remember it could be worse. Much, much worse.

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saatchis isn’t working.

April 7th, 2010 // 10:55 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there. Isn’t it exciting about the great big election coming up eh? It isn’t? No, I suppose it isn’t really is it? However, one great thing about an election is it brings all the big boys out to play. By that I of course mean the big Ad agencies. This time round Saatchi and Saatchi have thrown their considerable weight, ( it’s all those long lunches ), behind the Labour party. Well, they’ve done the Conservatives, it’s time to move on. Their latest push is this fabulous poster.

Yes, that’s the idea. Dress Cameron as Gene Hunt and say, “Don’t let him take us back to the 1980s”.  Now maybe I’m missing the point here but isn’t Gene Hunt like really. really popular? And don’t loads and loads of people really, really like “Ashes to Ashes“?

Maybe it’s just me but I can already see a queue forming of people saying ” Actually, all that 1980’s stuff looks brilliant on the telly. There’s loads of boozing and smoking and Human League and discos and fringes and dancing and everything and Gene Hunt is a top, top bloke and he’s dead hard. Can he take us back to the 1980s with him? Can he? Please, please, please, can he, can he?”

Nice one Saatchis. Fire up the Quattro.

( Oh, it’s just been pointed out to me that this post may show political bias. May I just say that, as a freelance copywriter, I have no affiliation to any party. I’m just against crap ideas. Thank you. )

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April 6th, 2010 // 5:31 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there. Everyone had a nice Easter? Yes? Good. Me too. However, amidst all the chocolate bunnies, easter eggs and fluffy chicks, I’ve been deeply disturbed by a new development in the world of the chocolatier, ( they’re like cavaliers but with flakes and curlywurlys  rather than swords ).  And that development is  chocolate beer. Yes, that’s right, beer with chocolate in it. To be honest, I don’t think it’s  entirely new but it’s pretty new to me and what’s more Marks & Spencer, in conjunction with Robinson’s Brewery of Stockport, are now selling it in a Supermarket near you.

Anyway, the point is this. Hot on the heels of alcopops we now have alcochocs. What chance is there for the youth of today? Back in my school days it took a great deal of determination to slide into early alcoholism, as everything alcoholic tasted frankly awful. Maybe you could manage Woodpecker cider if you gritted your teeth a bit but getting properly drunk was a terrible ordeal and a fully fledged, bona fide, rite of passage. ( In fact several dark passages. Usually next to the park ). Nowadays, kids can get absolutely mortal in a full range of child-friendly flavours.

I’m not knocking it exactly. I just think they’ve got it far, far too easy.

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happy easter.

April 3rd, 2010 // 12:13 pm @ // One Comment

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bland date.

April 1st, 2010 // 8:12 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there. Recently I’ve been taking a close look at all this social networking stuff and decided that, while it’s all good and doubtlessly the way of the future, I may be missing out on real life a little. To that end, I’ve decided to throw myself into the world of “dating”. You know, that whole “boy meets girl, girl meets boy, girl and boy go out together, fall in love, get married, fall into mutual contempt, attempt to meet new and different boy/girl” thing. Naturally I’ve been seeking out the best ways to do it, via the best source of information there is. Ads on the telly.

Head and shoulders above the rest stands the ad. You must have seen it, boy and girl enter music shop, spontaneously burst into song, discover they are peas in a pod, love ensues.

Perfect eh?  So I gave it a go in Johnny Roadhouse last week and it turns out it’s complete bollocks.

Sing that you like snuff movies, have a keen interest in taxidermy, that you do, in fact, wear make-up at weekends and that you suffer from stress related incontinence and see where that gets you.

Nowhere. That’s bloody where.

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