Clash struggle.

Clash struggle.

February 13th, 2011 // 2:27 pm @ // 6 Comments

Hello there. Today we’re having a bit of a change from all these proper advertising based blog posts I’ve been writing lately. No. Don’t try to stop me. I’m going off on a slight tangent and you’re all coming with me. Ready? Right, strap on your bondage pants and we’ll be off.

Now, as many of you regular readers, ( yes, you two ), will be aware, I have been fully embracing my ongoing mid-life crisis of late. This has, of course, taken on many forms. There’s the band, a slightly unhealthy obsession with recording every single bloody car and motorbike I’ve had throughout my life, poring over old photos and, currently, tracking down and finding all my old vinyl records. ( yes, vinyl. Oh, ask your dad. Ok, your grandad. Smartarse. ). Sadly, many of these old records have been lost along the way. House moves, separations, hand to hand combat and DJing in Wolverhampton, ( Oh the glamour ). So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I saw an online ad, ( actually, advertising is going to creep into this post. Sue me already. ), offering ‘All 19 of The Clash‘s singles in their original sleeves’. Naturally my aging punk’s heart skipped a beat and I decided, there and then, that I must have them. Of course I’d end up with a couple of duplicates but as the old sleeves were a little rough round the edges, the vinyl a tad battle-scarred, they had to be bought, didn’t they? So I read the ad a few times to make sure I knew what I was getting, checked the ad’s credentials, ( you’ve got to watch these advertising people you know, slimy bastards ),  and discovered that it was from ‘Pop Market’, a subsidiary of the Sony Group. Can’t go wrong can you?

So I bought them. Filled in the online form, stuck my card details in there and waited. And waited. And waited. Not that waiting was a problem of course. I knew that  they’d take a while, they were coming all the way from America and I’m not a fool, ( Yes, I’m talking to you Juliemead ). A couple of weeks later I reached the first hurdle. A card from Royal Mail telling me that I’d need to pay a £13.00 customs charge to have the package released. Fair enough. An unexpected extra cost but, what the hell. It’s a boxset of ‘All 19 0f The Clash’s singles in their original sleeves’, got to be worth it, hasn’t it? Paid it. Settled down for another wait.

Two days later The Royal Mail got me again. They despatched their legendary ninja postman. Chances are you’ve heard of the ninja postman but never, ever seen him. He’s the one who can reach your house, come down your path and slip a ‘Sorry you were out’ card through your letterbox while you are clearly very much bloody ‘in’ and have, in fact, been looking through your bloody window at regular bloody intervals and the very slightest bloody sound lest you miss the bleeding postman. The man ( or woman. No-one knows ), is a genius.

So, another two days pass and this time the package arrives. Of course I have spent the last two nights sitting on my doorstep pumped full of caffeine and pro-plus ready to pounce at the slightest provocation. Now the second I held the parcel in my hot little hands I knew there was a problem. It was just too small, too light to be ‘All 19 of The Clash’s singles in their original sleeves.’ Bollocks.

I gingerly opened it and what did I find? All 19 of The Clash’s singles alright – but in teeny weeny cd form. All 19 in teeny weeny facsimile sleeves, perfect in every teeny weeny detail. They’ve even got pretend teeny weeny grooves and teeny weeny labels on the teeny weeny black cds for Christ’s sake. Now, as a highly skilled and experienced copywriter, ( stop giggling at the back. I can hear you ), You’d think I’d know better wouldn’t you? But I’d read the ad over and over and, when I ordered ‘All 19 of The Clash’s singles in their original sleeves’, I kind of expected to get ‘All 19 of The Clash’s singles in their original sleeves.’ Call me old-fashioned but that’d be 19, 7″ vinyl singles in 7″ paper sleeves. Wouldn’t it?  Apparently not. And according to a friend who lives in The United States, ( Thanks Tracey ), there is no Trade Descriptions Act in the USA and you can pretty much call anything, anything over there. So it looks like I’m stuck with them.

Anyway, it’s not a total loss. I’ve discovered that they’re almost the perfect size as accessories to my daughter’s collection of cuddly toys so they’re currently having a tea party with all 19 of The Clash’s singles in their original sleeves spread out all over the floor.

And I’m looking for a copywriting job in America. It must be a piece of piss.

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Category : Advertising &Blog &humour &Uncategorized

6 Comments → “Clash struggle.”

  1. jacqueline steel

    11 years ago

    Caveat Emptor and that.
    Get thee down to a grungey old vinyl dealer, poste haste.

  2. jacqui freeman

    11 years ago

    you’re miffed aren’t you. I can tell. Liking the way that you’ve accessoried the teddies. On Sunday too. That’s dead angry. The white one looks as pissed off as you.

  3. andy

    11 years ago

    The Two Jacs, I feel sure there’s a film in there somewhere. And yes Ms.F, the white one reflects my every mood. It’s spooky.

  4. ann

    11 years ago

    I am aghast that there’s no Trade Descriptions Act in the US, how do they get away with it?
    Yesterday I came into possession of a two foot high pile of 78 rpms, tough and heavy vinyl with fabulous artwork on the sleeves. We’re talking Sam Cooke and that ilk, certainly pre-Clash and 45s… BUT the rush of nostalgia and the urge to dust off the gramophone player despite it’s blunt needle and threadbare turntable came over me like one of the hot flushes that goes hand in hand with remembering 78s…I can so understand your disappointment. I shall rifle through the old records tomorrow and if there’s any 50’s punk in there, it’s yours I promise.

  5. andy

    11 years ago

    Incredible isn’t it Ann? True though by all accounts. Love the sound of the 78s, sadly I parted with my old wind-up gramophone many house moves ago. Still got loads of needles though, couldn’t part with the beautiful tin.

  6. Tracey Jones

    11 years ago

    if you have an extra couple of hours and want to go round in legal circles until you get dizzy and give up … the Yanks do have something called “Truth in Advertising”…. … unfortunately, all the information available seems to be slanted towards telling businesses how to bend this already very flexible rule … There is a link with addresses of state boards where you can send a complaint … but mostly it might come in handy for that American copy writing job …

    PS .. Aww… little black CDs with labels on them .. very cute … and even more deceptive because they can post a photograph of the actual discs themselves and you won’t be any the wiser .. Total bastards

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