June 7th, 2010 // 10:25 pm @ // No Comments yet

Hello there. Today I’ve become very disturbed by something rather personal. It’s been brought to my attention that for some time now I may have been wallowing, night after night, in my own filth. And it’s not just me you know. Oh no. It could be you too. You see I’ve just seen the latest Vanish detergent TV ad and it really scared me. It’s not so much the young mother putting the sheet over her head and doing the classic, “Woooooooo, I’m a ghost“, thing at her child, ( although you have to admit, that is pretty scary ). It’s the fact that our seemingly clean bedsheets are quite literally seething with huge colonies of bacteria that we just can’t see. Plain old washing powder won’t get rid of it. To be honest, I kind of got the impression from the ad that burning your bed linen in a fiery furnace wouldn’t even do the trick. What you need is Vanish Extra Hygiene. Not just hygiene mind, but Extra hygiene. Obviously, I wanted to get the full details so watched like a hawk and here’s where it gets even scarier. It turns out that even Vanish Extra Hygiene is only capable of destroying 99.9% of that filthy filth, ( and it’s really filthy. It’s brown on the ad, not pink so that’s like, really, really filthy isn’t it? ). Now, what’s truly disturbing is that if that Vanish stuff kills 99.9% of bacteria, then that remaining 00.1% must be really hard bastard bacteria musn’t it? I mean proper, proper Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Daniel Day Lewis, ( in “Gangs of New York”, not “The unbearable lightness of being” ), hard. So, really you sort of question the whole value of killing the other 99.9% don’t you? What’s the point? Why bother? That 00.1% is just going to pick its hard bastard self up, multiply a millionfold, grow weird little spiny bacterial talons and strangle you to death in your sleep isn’t it? The whole thing’s left me completely unsettled. I probably won’t get a wink tonight.

Mind you, judging by what’s going on in my sheets, I don’t think I fancy going to bed anyway.

1 person likes this post.

Category : Uncategorized

Leave a Reply


"I was just saying how good it was to work with someone who I knew would nail it. Thanks, Andy"

Steve Byrne, MD, The Gate Films

Subscribe Now