holiday, money.

holiday, money.

February 4th, 2010 // 3:14 pm @ // 3 Comments

All the cold weather we’ve been having of late has got me thinking it’s time to start planning a holiday. Obviously I want somewhere hot and sunny, a little Greek island perhaps. I love little Greek islands me. Yes, that’s it. A little Greek island it is. Glad we got that sorted out.

The only slight problem I have is a lack of ready money so I’ve also been looking into potential revenue streams. You’d be amazed just how many are out there these days. Forget that boring old Credit Crunch, the recession’s over. It is you know, I’ve seen it on the telly.

With that in mind I’ve decided to base my financial future on the amazing opportunities I’ve picked up in the ad breaks. First up, I’m going to sell my phone. It’s environmentally friendly you know and  it’s apparently worth cash, readies, dosh and even wonga, ( no-ones offering spondooliks yet but I reckon it’s just a matter of time ), so I’ve done the research and that £450.00 phone I bought 8 months or so ago should return me about 12 quid. I’m on my way.

Then there’s all those solid gold items I’ve got knocking about the place. An earring here, a Krugerrand there, that old chalice from the palace,  it all adds up. And what’s more, I’ve just discovered that I made the right move not throwing them in the bin when I got bored with them. Apparently I can sell them! I’ve seen the ad and I think I’ve got the hang of how this, ” cash for any of those gold things you’ve got knocking around the house but didn’t throw away, even if they’re broken and stuff “,  thing works. All I have to do is gather up all my most treasured and valuable items, put them in an envelope  clearly marked, ”  This envelope is full of gold so please be careful with it”, post it to a complete stranger and wait for my windfall. There is a covering letter I have to sign, which goes along the lines of:- “Dear stranger, I’m a bit strapped for cash so I’ve sent you all of my most valuable stuff. Please form an opinion, ( based on my current behaviour ), of exactly how stupid I am, pluck a number you think you can get away with out of the air and send me that amount. Please bear in mind that I have no idea of the intrinsic value of gold and will be happy with whatever you give me. Otherwise I would have sold it privately wouldn’t I?” What could possibly go wrong?

The big money though is going to come from a “payday loan”. This could be a little tricky to work out as, being a freelance copywriter, it’s hard to know exactly when the next payday will be. However, I’ve looked at the figures and at the moment I could take advantage of an unbelievably reasonable APR of a mere 2,356%. So, let’s say I borrow a grand, ( I like to keep the numbers simple ), and pay it back in a year’s time, that £1,000 holiday will have been mine for just £23,536. You can’t argue with that can you?

I’ve even been checking the internet for deals and I’ve discovered that I can earn ££££££££££’s without even leaving my home and I’ve also been lucky enough to be selected by a Nigerian General who wants to put £23million into my bank account. All I need to do is send him £3,000 to cover administration fees, which isn’t a problem as that’s exactly the amount that “webuyanycardotcomwebuyanycardotcomwebuyanycardotcom” have offered me for my brother’s Audi A6, which he only paid £39,000 for. He won’t mind, I’ve picked him out a beautiful replacement and I’ll buy that when the £23million hits my bank account.

Don’t listen to the doom mongers, the good times are back.  So let’s get out there and spend, spend, spend!

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3 Comments → “holiday, money.”

  1. youngdebbie

    12 years ago

    Brilliant! As one whose 6 year old keeps asking me if I’d like to exchange my unwanted gold for cash and buy Mr Muscle to make it easier for me in the kitchen, I know exactly where you are coming from. The sad thing is that there are probably quite a few people out there who would get at least halfway through your blog without realising you are not being wholehearted in your recommendations! Also scary – re your Go Compare piece the other day – is that unfortunately most of us can probably sing the song,wordperfect, picture the man singing it and be able to describe the service he’s trying to sell us. The power of advertising is just too scary sometimes!

  2. julie

    12 years ago

    thought you might have given me a bit of free advertising in that last one you bugger!

  3. andy

    12 years ago

    I’m sorry Julie. I couldn’t possibly mention The Bullion Centre and Stockport Pawnbrokers, the Number one choice for all your Jewellery and Pawnbroking needs. It would be unethical.

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