Sold out.

Sold out.

September 6th, 2010 // 4:17 pm @ // 2 Comments

Hello there. Sorry thatandywhiteblog has been a tad quiet for the past few days. Had some of that pesky copywriting to do. Tsk.

Anyway, here I am, back again all refreshed, bright eyed, bushy tailed and ready for anything. Well, not quite anything as it turns out. What I wasn’t ready for is the revelation that there is now a Sex Pistols branded fragrance. Yes, that’s right, Sex Pistols scent. Or fragrancy in the UK perhaps. It’s manufactured by Elat Libre d’Orange in France and is, apparently, “pared down and pumped up by leather, shot through with heliotrope and brought back down to earth by a raunchy patchouli.” Well, I think we’ve all felt that way at least once, haven’t we? I suppose it was only to be expected after Johnny’s foray into Country Life advertising. I’m still gutted that he wouldn’t get involved with my “I can’t believe it’s not Bollocks” low-fat spread though.

Naturally, this has got me thinking. Surely there are loads of old bands knocking around out there, a bit skint, contemplating their next move. I mean, it’s ok if you’ve been in Spandau Balllet, Duran Duran or something like that. You can always rock up on the TVAM sofa, do a bit of Cash in the Celebrity Attic, mince about with Ainsley Harriott, do Something for the Weekend, ( Hello Ms.D ), or even a bit of Panto. But, if you’re an aging punk or a hairy, hoary old rocker, what chance have you got?  What chance? Loads of chance if you jump aboard the whitewriting brandwagon! That’s right, I’m getting ready to launch a whole raft of Celeb endorsed brands with the potential to earn megabucks and finally kill the memory of my brilliant, but ill fated, mobile golf course venture.

Are you plagued by stubborn, seized-up bolts when attempting a little DIY? Then reach for “Dumpy’s Rusty Nuts WD40″ A can full of rockin’ good penetrating fluid that’ll have you twisting all night. Arthritis playing you up? Then just massage in a healthy dollop of “Stiff Little Fingers Embrocation and Universal Balm”, within minutes you’ll Get a Life and be living on Hope Street!

There are just so many possibilities out there that I can’t believe no-one’s got onto it yet. The rise of recycling alone makes “Ned’s Atomic Dustbin” a potential goldmine. Just think of it. Glow in the dark bin liners in a range of crusty colours to separate your plastics, paper and aluminium, each bin painted up like a traveller’s bus. Genius.  Back in the field of health, I’m working on ” Joey Ramone’s Gabba Gabba Hay Fever nasal spray”, ( the inhaler bit’s like a rolled up banknote. Inspired, I know ) , an “Ed Banger and the Nosebleeds” branded Warfarin product and a range of “Dr. Feelgood‘s anti-depressants”.

Peter and the Test Tube Babies and The Angelic Upstarts are tailor made for a couple of Mothercare lines, Napalm Death are a no-brainer for a range of garden pesticides and I’m trying to get Kraftwerk into a deal for “Trans-Europe Express” student railcards and supasaver techno-tickets but I just keep keep getting this strange, tinny recorded message on Ralf Hütter’s ansaphone. Well, I’m assuming it’s his ansaphone.

It’s got to be a winner hasn’t it? I mean, I’ve barely scraped the surface with the handful of candidates I’ve mentioned here and, as a Manchester copywriter, I’ve  got big ideas for a multitude of bands and perfectly matched brands that I’m currently negotiating with. So watch this space.

The plans I’ve got for Throbbing Gristle are dynamite.

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2 Comments → “Sold out.”

  1. jacqui freeman

    13 years ago

    aahh you make me laff. Tried to think of a few myself and couldn’t – you make it look easy. Clever boy.

  2. Carol H

    13 years ago

    You should do this for a living.

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"I was just saying how good it was to work with someone who I knew would nail it. Thanks, Andy"

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